You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
