He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
