Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
