I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
