dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
