That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
