people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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