Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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