She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
