then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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