She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
