if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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