Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
