Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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