that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
