R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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