I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
