You're earring is so big in my mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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