Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
