I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
