Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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