1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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