if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sext me about skeletons
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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