apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
