what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
