Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
