I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
