Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
