I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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