you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
