just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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