Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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