The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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