I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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