Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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