I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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