I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
