i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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