imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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