the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
