you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
A bitchslap is in order.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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