they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
