We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
