Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
