Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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