new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
