can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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