Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
