Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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