god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
