I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Couch. On fire.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
