don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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