i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
