Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
