Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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