Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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