i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.