you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.