Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
