I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My feet surprised me
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