I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
