Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
