im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
