She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
