she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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