so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
