This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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