I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
