Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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