I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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