You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
