she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
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she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.