we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?