I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.