So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving