we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
