brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
