Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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