She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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