So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
