plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
